This is a question I’ve pondered for quite some time. It is a romantic sentiment I assumed could be true throughout my young adulthood. It is a line I fed myself when my ex shattered my heart because I didn’t want to believe we weren’t compatible. It is an idea I began to scoff at over the past year, deeming it an immature concept after realizing the dangers of holding on too tightly.

And it is a thought I reevaluated with someone recently, as we spent hours saying goodbye without even speaking the word, while knowing separation was the right choice for us.

The other day, as I felt the familiar weight of heartache, I kept asking myself whether this theory of “right person, wrong time” could really be true. My curiosity (and emotions) got the best of me, and I logged on my blog’s Instagram account to poll my audience of followers — many of whom are deep thinkers.

The results: 89% believed in the idea, while 11% did not.

Here’s what some of them (anonymous) shared to defend their views:

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. We’re all a sum of what we’ve been through, the people we surround ourselves with, the beliefs we choose to carry with us; so, naturally, we all have different opinions on this. 

But it is nice to contemplate — to consider various perspectives.

After mulling over these responses and sitting quietly with myself, reflecting on my unique experiences, I came to an answer myself: Simply put, I do not think there’s such a thing as “right person, wrong time” — but probably not for the reasons you’re assuming.

I do not believe timing can be wrong. I think we might want it to be different; we might want to rush our healing or even travel back to when we were less jaded, so we can develop a healthy relationship with this amazing person standing right in front of us. But maybe meeting them at that exact moment was actually a wakeup call to begin our healing; and maybe we never would have connected with them with the same intensity if we hadn’t been hurt so badly in the past.

Say you meet the “right person” during a time you aren’t ready to romantically be with them. That doesn’t mean they are the “wrong person” for you. In fact, I think they are the “right person” to walk into your life, hold up a mirror, and show you all the scars that are still bleeding. They are right in the sense that they were meant to be in your life during that specific time, even if you wish it could be for longer.

Regardless, it’s not about a person being right or wrong for you; it’s their impact on and significance in your life that matters. 

We can argue that everyone is the right person — even when they’re so clearly not good for us. There is the right person to walk away from. The right person with whom you can heal from trauma. The right person to challenge your mindset. The right person to teach you what you don’t want in your next relationship.

People serve different purposes in our lives. And I’m not excusing mistreatment or glorifying toxicity, nor am I crediting an abuser for their victims’ growth. But I do believe the lessons we take from the people we meet propel us forward to exactly where we are meant to be.

If you’re thinking more in terms of “right person” = “forever person,” well, I’d argue you’re going about life the wrong way. There is not one person for you for your entire life. You (hopefully) weren’t born into this life next to the person you will romantically spend the rest of your life with, which means that even the person you end up creating a future with (if you so choose to) wasn’t meant to be in your life until they entered it.

Throughout your life, you’ll meet countless people. Some you’ll only encounter for a heartbeat, sharing a smile while passing them on the sidewalk; others will stay for a season, even though you long for more; one might completely turn your world upside down and disappear without looking back. People might come and go depending on when you’re in alignment with each other. Someone from your past can return like serendipity, bringing an opportunity to connect in a new way. 

But timing can never be wrong, and people can always be right — if you choose to accept the role they are meant to play in your life.

What are your thoughts on “right person, wrong time?” Share in the comments below!